You only get to the 1,000th episode once right? Well, technically we only get to episode 238 once too, but still. WWE has been pulling out all the stops for this show, including bringing back greats like Shawn Michaels, The Rock, The Undertaker, and Steve Blackman.
We’ll do it time capsule style.
8:00: The show starts with a music video of Raw moments including some great ones (Mike Tyson and Stone Cold) and some not-so-great ones (Goldust stuttering while Triple H laughs his ass off). What these guys deem as entertaining is mind-boggling.
(If I see Shane McMahon’s balls electrocuted, well, okay, I’ll laugh.)
8:01: I just saw 1 1/2 seconds of the Miz girl!
8:02: Bret screwed Bret and Shawn Michaels losing his smile in back to back edits?
8:11: After three minutes of underwear jokes from HBK and HHH as DX, they introduce other members of the team, except the one with the largest member, Chyna. (See, I go DX when I need to.) Billy Gunn is still pretty jacked. The Road Dogg presented the New Age Outlawz as the 5-time tag team champions of the world. Triple H asked us if we are ready. And then he said the line that hasn’t ever made sense, “Let’s get ready to suck it.” Damien Sandow interrupted because you know, he and DX had quite the run in 1998. He was put out to pasture and Billy Gunn said that if we’re not down with that, he’s got two words for us. Poor X-Pac didn’t get to do anything except crotch chop Triple H when H said he was the only one with a full head of hair left. No bronco buster or anything. That’s what he gets for humping Chyna on camera.
8:34: It looks like rather than announce the main event, Jim Ross announces what might be the best match on the show. Sin Cara, Rey Mysterio, and Sheamus vs. Chris Jericho, Alberto Del Rio, and Dolph Ziggler. Didn’t Ziggler and Jericho have heat last week?
8:36: Jericho gave us his first, “Come on, baby!” cover in what seems like 10 years. A t-shirted Mysterio didn’t get to do much as it was all Sheamus. Ziggler sucker-punched Jericho and Hunter Hearst Sheamus hit Jericho with the Brogue Kick for the win.
8:43: Charlie Sheen via Skype was worse than the UFC’s satellite interviews.
8:46: Mae Young’s son, the hand, wished AJ best of luck in her marriage to Daniel Bryan. Not sure where his dad Mark Henry was.
8:52: Really, Brodus Clay’s act is really all about seeing Naomi’s junk in the trunk. Clay introduced his tag team partner, Dude Love who is in his corner against Jack Swagger. The Dudettes didn’t come out with the Dude. Swagger jobbed in about 15 seconds.
8:55: My heart just skipped a beat. I see Trish Stratus. She and Triple rekindled this skit from over 10 years ago:
And then X-Pac got creepyish and stalkerish with Trish. Well, he did have sex with Chyna on camera. Might be paying for that one all show long.