I’m going to do this WrestleMania live write-up a little differently. I’m going to do it diary-style, rather than as a true match-by-match post. It’s only the biggest show probably in years, so why not?
4:00: It’s not once in a lifetime if they do it again next year is it?
4:01: Lilian is looking mighty fine singing “America The Beautiful”. I think she still wants the People’s Strudle.
4:07: After a long opening package showing John Cena and Rock as children, it’s World Heavyweight Championship time.
Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan
4:09: AJ gives a little kiss to the champ.
4:10: It must’ve been the kiss of death. After the kiss, Sheamus kicked Bryan to win the match. After building this match for weeks and weeks and Bryan doing tremendous work, they jobbed him. Not what I want to see when I pay $65 for a show.
4:14: Yes! Nooooooooooo!
4:16: At least it’s time for Kane. Wait, that nearly makes it worse.
Kane vs. Randy Orton
4:20: It took longer for Randy Orton to put baby oil on his nipples than it did for Bryan to lose to Sheamus.
4:26: After losing to John Cena and Big Show recently, Kane is all of a sudden hard to knock off his feet again.
4:28: Kane nearly had his WrestleMania moment, but Orton kicked out of his chokeslam. He was brokenhearted.
4:30: Well, Kane just got his WrestleMania moment pinning Randy Orton with a chokeslam from the top rope. Wow.
4:33: Let’s count the old-timers who we only get to see once a year. So far, Ron Simmons and Mick Foley in a “Damn!” skit.
4:34: It’s Dashing Cody Rhodes time!
Cody Rhodes vs. The Big Show
4:36: I think Cody is smuggling bananas in his trunks. Even Shawn Michaels is appalled.
4:43: After Rhodes hit the Beautiful Disaster kick, he went for it again and Big Show speared him right in the balls to set up the punch of death for the win.
Winner: The Big Show
4:44: To sell how important it was for him to win, we see tears of Big Show.
4:47: Now that I think of it, those were tears of joy for not being Daniel Bryan’d.
4:50: Maria Menunos is wearing very nice pants. That’s all I can say.
Beth Phoenix and Eve vs. Kelly Kelly and Maria Menunos