Rapper DMX lacing up the MMA gloves

Thunder Promotions MMA is running a show on December 12th at the Birmingham Jefferson Convention Center. The show is headlined by Butter Bean vs. Tank Abbott in a battle of the fat, wing-eating, hard-hitters. I can’t wait.

What caught me off guard most despite the obvious freak-show main event (a fight that I REALLY wanna see) is that DMX is on the card, fighting in Eric Martinez a “Celebrity Fight”. Does anybody know who Eric Martinez is? (If so, please leave a comment)
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Wrestlemania XV – Be Fair To Foley

In the early 1990’s when Ric Flair came to the WWF after a long career wrestling for the NWA, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan was his financial adviser at the time. However, Heenan was also the color commentator alongside Gorilla Monsoon. Heenan had a great way in getting Flair over. He would say that since Flair was an outsider to WWF, people were trying to hold him down. Hence the phrase, “Be fair to Flair”. What does Ric Flair and Bobby Heenan circa 1992 have to do with Wrestlemania XV? Well, there’s a man named Mick Foley who had a dream of main eventing Wrestlemania and that man named Mick had a great 4 months in late 1998 and early 1999. He helped The Rock get over big time as a heel and also won the WWF Championship belt for the first time. He and the Rock had some very good matches, but for some reason (probably because they saw Rock vs. Austin as a better money making match), Mick Foley was left out in the cold come Wrestlemania time. Soon before Mania, Foley dropped the belt back to The Rock and was then put in a feud with the Big Show. At the time, the Big Show was actually looked upon as a main eventer, so it wasn’t that large of a step down. However, after working with the Rock and Austin for much of 1998, match-wise it was a major step down. Their Wrestlemania match was awful, (maybe one of the worst matches of Foley’s career) and the feud didn’t really do anything for either guy. Why the long segue from Ric Flair to Mick Foley? Because at the time, I was reminded of Heenan’s phrase while Foley was getting passed over. So I simply added Foley’s name and created my own. Be Fair to Foley. For some reason, the WWF didn’t listen to me.

Wrestlemania was a large disappointment in my eyes mostly because of the short term booking. The top guys were stretched way too thin and the matches seemed to be put together at the last minute. (Hey, sounds familiar to this year’s booking.) The two saving graces were the match pitting Shane McMahon and X-Pac, and the main event between The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin.
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Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Wrestling – Episode 7

This show has been over for a couple of weeks already you say? Well, I still haven’t watched the last two episodes, so here’s the review of the second to last episode.

Todd says Dennis needs to slow down. Butterbean says Dennis needs to treat him with respect or it’s going to get nasty.

Dennis says he’ll hit hard and they should hit him back hard. Brutus tells the viewing audience that it’s called a receipt if someone hits you hard and you hit them back just as hard.

Bischoff says they’ll learn the arm drag and a basic chop. Too bad Ricky Steamboat and Ric Flair aren’t teaching these. Hogan comes out in his gear to teach them the body slam. Hogan tells the guys that when he slammed Andre at Wrestlemania 3 that Andre was almost 700 pounds. He didn’t say give or take two hundred pounds. It’s so funny as to why he has to lie about that. Isn’t 500 pounds enough?

Rodman slams Danny hard and Butterbean wants him. Butterbean slams him softly. Rodman tries to get Bean and can’t. Neither can Danny. Hogan tells Brutus to do it. He can’t get him quite up. I think it’s up to Hogan. He didn’t try. Darn. I wanted to see it.

They are going to do two matches. There’s a triple threat between Screech, Danny, and Todd while the big man match is between Rodman and Butterbean.

The chop looks like it hurts a lot. They’re playing it up like Dennis doesn’t want to be physical anymore because of the possibility of a receipt. Hogan takes Dennis aside and tells him he loves him and tries to inspire him a bit.

Screech is trying to coach a bit too much and the guys are bothered with him.

Hulk brings a doctor in to check the guys out before the match. Screech is the only one to complain about his injuries and the doctor tells him he has at least one broken rib. And he might have a MCL sprain in his left knee.

The triple threat is up first. Screech and Danny are working together over Todd. But I bet they get pissed at each other and the match ends with one of them pinned. Todd goes flying over the top. Screech double crossed Danny. That was fast. Todd took both of them out and then did a high cross over the top rope and onto both guys. Screech took a foreign object out of his knee pad and put it in his elbow pad. He knocked both guys out with it for the pin.

Butterbean just beat on Rodman for the entire match until Rodman hulked up. Rodman came off the top for the flying clothesline and Butterbean caught him with a sidewalk slam for the pin.

Butterbean was bad, but Danny was too. Rodman is the only believable guy, but if Todd learns how to sell a little bit better, he’d be heads and shoulders above everyone.

Bischoff tells Rodman that he works too stiff. Hogan tells Todd that he needs a bit more control. Bischoff says Butterbean never breaks character and makes him believe, but his covers are weak. Hogan says that Rodman, Butterbean, and Todd are heading to the finals. It’s between Screech and Danny. Hulk says Dustin’s chops and kicks are so bad. He tells Danny that he doesn’t hit people as hard as he looks. Hulk tells Danny Bonaduce to leave.

The next show is the finale. There’s a jabroni battle royal as long as a final match for the title.

Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Wrestling – Episode 6

I know. The season is already over. But I still have a few episodes left to see. Here we go.

Screech says that Dennis and Trishelle got into it over how physical he was with her. Trishelle says she kicked him back as a receipt. The Hulkster must’ve taught her that one.

Brutus dyed his hair blond for the Hulkster. Knobs said that Bonaduce isn’t that hurt.

They had to put on construction gear. Todd and Screech decided to argue with each other and Todd challenged him and Dustin backed down.

Knobs and Beefcake took them to a junkyard. Bischoff is there to welcome them. He says it’s time to jack it up and the way to do that is in a hardcore match. They allowed them to grab weapons and release some aggression on a beat up car. Todd says he was seeing Dustin Diamond’s face when he was hitting the car with the bat. Dustin says he has anger issues.

Bonaduce shows up. Screech asks him what he’s doing there because he’s eliminated. Bonaduce puts 20 bucks down that says he’ll stay on the show. Dustin goes to follow him and talk to the Hulkster. Hulk says when Bonaduce didn’t show up, he kicked him off. Dustin interrupts Hulk and Danny. Danny and Screech argue with each other and Hulk says that they need to settle it in a falls count anywhere match. Yep, that’s how all arguments are settled. Screech teases that it may become violent.

Hulk tells the group that Danny and Screech will work with each other and the rest will be in a hardcore match. Hulk teaches the guys how to take a chair shot in the back, a trash can to the head, and a cookie sheet to the gut. He says there’s no easy way to do it except to do it.

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Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Wrestling – Episode 5

Trishelle is the only girl left and she says that she has to do well to stick around.

I keep spelling Knobs name wrong. I spell it Knobbs. Oh well.

Eric Bischoff calls out Dennis Rodman and for some reason, Rodman says that it’s a man’s sport and calls out Trishelle. I think that was a worked line.

They’re joining the teams together since Team Nasty only has 2 competitors left. They’re doing a battle royal for the main event.

Their first move of the show is to learn how to go over the top and the duck and boost, which is ducking a clothesline and boosting the guy who is running towards you over the top rope. Todd skinned his nuts on the top rope going over. He said it was his “special purpose” that got hurt. Butterbean went over and it wasn’t a nice fall.

Dustin didn’t want to do the duck and boost because his shoulder was hurting. Dennis threw one of the trainers out and he landed on his hand and had to go to the doctor.

Trishelle threw Dustin over and hurt his shoulder again. She thinks he’s faking. Butterbean says he’s a wimp.

Bonaduce finally shows up.

RVD shows up and Knobs calls him one of the greatest finishers in the business.

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Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Wrestling – Episode 4

Dustin says that Erin should’ve stayed and Nikki should’ve been eliminated. That’s kind of how it looked.

Bischoff meets the remaining 7 in the ring. Bischoff asks Todd who his favorite wrestlers were. Todd says Peter Maivia and the Great Mephisto were his favorite wrestlers. Dustin says the right answer and says Hogan and the Undertaker. Bischoff says all of those wrestlers were able to cut a promo. Can’t say I’ve seen a Great Mephisto promo before.

A different Todd who is actually the ring announcer is going to teach the crew how to cut a promo. He cuts a Hogan promo in front of the seven. It was a B minus Hogan promo. Todd cuts a nice promo on Nikki, but she couldn’t say anything back. Rodzilla choked the chicken on his promo. Rodzilla steals some of Hogan’s lines and the other Todd likes it. Dustin cuts a promo on Bonaduce’s character and Bonaduce gets personal with Dustin and touches him. Dustin slaps him in the face. I don’t think that was fake. But it’s not like Dustin slapped him very hard.

They are learning the hip toss, hitting the turn buckle, and the elbow smash. Dusty Rhodes should teach that one.

Nikki won’t do the hip toss. She’s a bit scared now and walks out of practice.

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