I haven’t logged a WWE non-PPV in a while and since I’m more interested in this “special” Raw mostly because I expect there to be a lot of history, I figured I might as well pull out the old timely recap.
It should also only take them about 25 months to get to the 1000th episode.
6:03PM – Bret is back! Wait, I thought the General Manager never wanted Bret on WWE TV again?
6:06PM – Hart says that he and the Undertaker were the only two guys who were on the first Raw and who are still with the company. Kane’s music plays and he walks out. Talk about a bait and switch.
6:09PM – Kane brings up Shawn MIchaels and how Bret must’ve loved watching the Undertaker retire him. Jeez, the writers must hate us tonight. Isn’t is supposed to be a celebration?
6:12PM – Kane attacks Bret, the Hart Dynasty come in, and the Undertaker appears and sends Kane walking away. My iPod Touch notification sounds, I mean, the GM e-mails Michael Cole and says that Bret Hart will face Taker. Sigh.
6:13PM – They only thing I remember about the very first raw is Bobby Heenan trying to get inside the building.
6:18PM – Dream nerd tag match – Kaval and Daniel Bryan vs. Michael McGillicuddy and Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz and Alex Riley. Ok, maybe only a dream nerd tag team.
6:22PM – Miz had to skull crush poor Kaval for the finale. Then he had to clip Bryan with his briefcase. I wonder if this was their way of trying to get people to vote for Alex Riley for tomorrow’s NXT season finale?
6:31PM – Melina pinned Layla in a tag match with Melina and Eve vs. LayCool. Eve didn’t even get in the match. Maybe they’re running low on time. LayCool challenged Melina to a title unification match. I’m guessing this is at Night Of Champions. I say they keep the Diva belt over the women’s title. Melina accepted as long as it’s a Lumberjack match. King or Cole made sure to use the term Lumberjills. Melina must’ve messed up.
6:40PM – So far, out of four of the historic packages they’ve shown, two have been from the last two years. What an utter fail. No one wants to see that stuff. We want to see Austin, Rock, Foley, and HBK. Well, it’s better than the HHH hype that I expect to be coming shortly.
6:41PM – Chris Jericho just said that he’s quitting or retiring if he doesn’t win the title at Night Of Champions. This was just after they reminded folks in the first segment that HBK is retired.
6:49PM – Cole brought up Jim Ross’ name and called the following match a possible slobberknocker – John Morrison and R-Truth vs. Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre. I don’t think Cole understands what the word means.
6:51PM – Double DQ – I think the last two matches have lasted a combined four minutes.
7:01PM – Wade Barrett came in with the idea that he was going to beat up both legends and it took Taker all of about 10 seconds to beat him up and kick him out of the ring. Well, it was nice thinking you had a good shot to stand out Wade. Then it got dark and we heard the dong and instead of Bret, Kane was in the ring. We heard the dong again and Kane was gone. Then the rest of Nexus walked down to the ring sans Skip Sheffield. Taker then beat all of them up. It went dark again and Barrett had Taker on his shoulders and dumped him on the ground. Gabriel splashed him from the top rope Scorpio style, while Kane cackled.
7:15PM – Swagger and Bourne were having a match while Alberto Del Rio came down to the ring and they did a split screen. Bourne missed the shooting star and landed on his feet. Ouch. Swagger put him in the ankle lock. Del Rio was happy to beat up Rey, but it wasn’t perfect because he didn’t do it on Raw. Then he decided to go after another chihuahua and put Bourne in the arm bar. Henry RAN DOWN for the save.
7:25PM – If you had the under on 90 minutes as the time they’d show This Is Your Life Rock, you won.
7:28PM – CM Punk’s promo included the name Katie Vick. Then he said if it went over your head, YouTube it and it will drive you to drink. He might be top three in promos right now. He counted down some of Raw’s craziest moments like the WCW Invasion and John Cena throwing Edge into the lake. Interestingly, they included Austin’s beer bash on Santino rather than the original. I didn’t even remember the Santino one. He also teased Stone Cold coming in, straight with Austin’s music. After Bret/Taker, isn’t that enough bait and switching?
7:34PM – It took them 94 minutes to get Brock Lesnar on the show. It was the moment he and Show crashed the ring.
7:37PM – The Big Show came down and started doing Hulk Hogan impersonations like this was 2000 and he was the Showster.
7:43PM – I can’t believe it took them over 100 minutes to show HHH’s return from injury in 2002. Well, maybe they waited until late since he was jacked out of his mind and looked like he was on more steroids than any WWE superstar ever.
7:47PM – Edge called Sheamus, Beaker who hasn’t been seen except for in Muppet movies since the early 80s. You know what he was watching when he was 10.
8:00PM – Main event time and Chris Jericho starts off against Michael Tarver but walks out. He’s eliminated. I guess this is an elimination match. Then Edge came in and pushed down the referee and was DQ’d. It’s 5-3 now.
8:06PM – The heat was on Sheamus forever and then he just lost. It’s 5-2.
8:07PM – Cena easily pinned Slater and it’s 4-2.
8:10PM – Cena makes Otunga submit and then rolls to the corner for whatever reason, only to get 450 splashed by Gabriel. And he’s out. Looks like Orton gets to be Stone Cold Steve Austin tonight. Yep, Gabriel is RKO’d and out. It’s 2-1. Did I say 2-1, I meant 1-1. Orton RKO’d Tarver too. Whoops, looks like Orton won’t be Stone Cold. Barrett put Orton on his shoulders and slammed him. Match over.
That might’ve been the most overbooked show in all of Raw. Sheesh.