WWE Raw – 2008 Slammy Awards: Play By Play

(I’m on the west coast, so this play by play is a bit delayed)

Why, after all these years, are they bringing back the Slammy’s? Well, they need three hours of TV to fill tonight. Why after 5 years away am I blogging Raw again? Eh, I don’t know. I think I just have a heart for nostalgia and while this show won’t be as wacky as the old Slammy’s stuff, I think it will still be fun.

But probably not as fun as this.

For some reason, we have three huge matches that completely overshadow anything that WWE will try and make you pay for this weekend at Armageddon. It’s highly unlikely that we’ll get any clean finishes though.

Maria and Festus (with a tie over his overalls) present the tag team of the year award.

Nominees: Carlito & Primo, Team Priceless, Miz & Morrison, and Cryme Tyme

If Miz & Morrison don’t win, it’s a travesty. And thankfully, they win. Morrison thanks Chuck Norris while Miz thanks Baba Booey.

1. John Morrison vs. CM Punk

This match is one of the semi-finals of the Intercontinental contender tournament. Punk did a cross body to the floor, but Morrison didn’t catch him very well.

Why is Morrison not pushed to the level of a mid-upper carder at least? He could legit be apart of Miz & Morrison and then have matches with guys like Jeff Hardy and Rey Mysterio. Sky is really the limit with this guy.

Oh well. Punk hit the crappy GTS and won the match. It was a fun little match for what it was.

Winner: CM Punk

They recapped the ending of last week’s show where John Cena was quadruple teamed.

Todd Grisham interviews Cena and he simply says hustle, loyalty, respect. He says his dog Lou was a big Jericho fan and every time that Jericho came out, his dog would clean himself and it made him sick. Eh, try next time John. Especially after Jericho’s promo last week was so good. He says he’s going to fight Jericho, even though he has a match against Edge.

Cryme Tyme and Candice come out to give out the award for best finishing maneuver.

Nominees: Undertaker’s Hell’s Gate (I had no clue this was the name), RKO, Evan Bourne’s Shooting Star Press, and Big Show’s KO Punch

Evan Bourne has to win this one. And he does. He’s not there so Candice accepts it on his behalf. Mike Knox comes out and takes the award and Candice just walks away. Ok then.

Randy O comes out and reminds us that there used to be this group called the Main Event Mafia, I mean, Evolution. He says that tonight, the Legacy is born.

MVP says the losing streak has been blown out of proportion. He calls out Jimmy Rollins who is in the crowd. MVP says he’s better than Rollins, Chase Utley, and Ryan Howard. MVP’s music starts playing and MVC comes out. Poor Charlie Haas. He had me for two seconds.

2. MVP vs. MVC

After beating on MVC for most of the match, he went for the big kick in the corner and missed and Haas rolled him up. It sucks to be MVP. How Charlie Haas in 2008 gets over on MVP is just beside me.

Winner: MVC

Hey, there’s a Kane DVD coming out. I expect there to be many on the shelf. No one rush out to buy that.

Matt Hardy comes out to give out the award for most extreme moment of the year.

Nominees: Cena gets thrown on a car, Undertaker’s crash landing against Edge at the TLC, Jeff Hardy’s plunge to the crash pad, and Jericho throws HBK through the Jeri-Tron.

Hmm, isn’t Jericho punching HBK’s wife in the face more extreme?

Jeff Hardy wins his own award. Jeff says he wants to become WWE champion.

3. Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Jericho

Isn’t it so nice that all the winners get in the ring for their matches? What if the Undertaker would won this one? Would Jeff then have had to run to the ring to start the match?

They just announced that Matt Striker and Todd Grisham won the announcing duo of the year. That had to be a rib on JR. Lawler said they were so good that they aren’t here. Well, Grisham is doing interviews. Striker is probably watching old wrestling tapes in his basement.

It was a pretty good match with an interesting finish. Hardy hit all his moves including the whisper in the wind and then went for the twist of fate, but Jericho turned it into the code breaker. Really good finish.

Winner: Chris Jericho

Remember when Sunny won for best buns?

Kelly Kelly and Kane come out to present best couple.

Nominees: Glamarella, Edge & Vickie, William Regal and Layla, and Finlay and Hornswaggle

If you think about it, it’s kind of sick to have father and son with the rest of the group. The winners are Edge & Vickie. Vickie accepts. Santino and Beth come out to argue and Santino calls her cougar of the year. He said that last week he strained his scroticerus region. He sure did. Santino and Beth challenge any of the other nominees for a match. You knew Hornswaggle and Finlay were coming out.

4. Glamarella vs. Finlay and Hornswaggle

Beth didn’t even get in the ring. Hornswaggle hit the tadpole splash on Santino for the win.

Winner: Finlay and Hornswaggle

Melina and Teddy Long are presenting the diva of the year award. Melina is wearing a terrible dress.

Nominees: Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Kelly Kelly, and Michelle McCool

As much as I love me some Mickie James, Beth was the only one to have really done much. I can’t see them giving it to her though. Woah, she won.

Beth and Melina started fighting and Beth fell right into Santino’s scroticerus region.

Alicia Fox and Joey Styles are out to present for the OMG moment of the year. Styles did his trademark “Oh My God!”

Nominees: CM Punk cashes in money in the bank to beat Edge for the title, Undertaker sends Edge to hell, Money Mayweather breaks Big Show’s nose, and John Cena returns to the Royal Rumble

What, no Jericho hitting HBK’s wife in the face? Wait, I already said that one. It has to be Cena. Nope, CM Punk won. He made Joey say it again.

5. Kofi Kingston vs. Rey Mysterio

Kofi hit a Jim Brunzell like drop kick. Oh my God! Just kidding. It wasn’t that great, but it was pretty great.

Mysterio rolled up Kingston unexpectedly. They were having a decent little match too.

Winner: Rey Mysterio

It’s Mysterio vs. Punk at Armageddon, which could be pretty inventive if they allow it to be.

Mr. Kennedy and Eve come out to present for best match. Eve is almost unrecognizable. Kennedy is wearing a bad goatee.

Nominees: Money In the Bank at Wrestlemania 24, 2008 Royal Rumble, Undertaker vs. Edge in Hell In A Cell, and Ric Flair vs. Shawn Michaels at Mania 24

Out of those, Taker and Edge was the best match. But I liked Taker and Edge from Mania 24 just as much, and liked the Jericho vs. Michaels ladder match even better.

HBK vs. Ric Flair wins. JBL comes out and takes the award and accepts for his match against John Cena at the Great American Bash while HBK just watches and doesn’t do anything. I hope HBK isn’t his manservant. That would explain way too much.

More Miss Slammy action.

6. Batista and HHH vs. Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes, and Manu

Well, that Batista vs. HHH was a bait and switch. Bad guys got the heat on HHH and he made the hot tag to Batista. Batista had Orton up for the Batista bomb, but Orton got out of it and hit the RKO. Big Dave loses again. He and MVP have the same gimmick, except Batista wins his squashes. But that’s it.

Winner: Randy O, Cody Rhodes, and Manu

Mickie James and Ron Simmons come out to present the damn award.

Nominees: Khali’s Kiss Cam, Punk suprises Chavo by pretending to be in the mariachi band, JR dresses up as a sailor, and Santino hurts his scroticerus region

Um, Khali won. Talk about getting robbed. Santino was robbed. Then again, Khali does have to kiss all those ugly girls. Khali has his eye on Mickie. Mickie is about to give him a taste, but then Jillian Hall comes out and sings Celine Dion. Then Kung Funaki comes out with Howard Finkel. Khali picks up Mickie and nearly swallows her face until Ron saves the day and says, “Damn!” Jeez, that was such a long build up for a joke.

R-Truth comes out with his Slammy, so I’m guessing he won for best song. And he’s rappin’ it while he comes out.

7. R-Truth vs. Dolph Ziggler

Diggler screwed up a stun gun badly and R-Truth almost died by going through the ropes and to the floor. Diggler took a front turnbuckle. I thought Bret Hart said no one would ever do it again. Ziggler won by count out. That was an unnecessary match.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler

Stephanie McMahon is out to present superstar of the year.

Nominees: Jeff Hardy, Chris Jericho, Batista, Edge, Triple H, and John Cena

I’d vote for Jericho myself, but the way these things have been working today, it’s either Edge or Cena. Wow. Jericho won. That must be a rib on Triple H. Jericho and Steph shake hands, but Jericho doesn’t have to walk her dog this time she says. She didn’t really say that. Jericho goes into the middle of the ring and says that fans are biased and that’s why they didn’t get to vote on the award. He says he knew he was going to win because he’s the best in the world today. I smell Cena’s theme music coming up to interrupt him soon. Well it took a bit longer, but Cena comes in and Jericho bails.

8. John Cena vs. Edge

Cena went for the FU three times, but Edge got out of it. He transitioned into a STFU, but Jericho interfered and the match ended. It was pretty good for how much we got. HHH jumped Edge and Jeff Hardy interfered as well. There was definitely a good build to the PPV at the end of the show, though it took 3 hours to get there.

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